Psychologist Susan David, who speaks and writes about Emotional Agility, poses three questions to leaders: 

1. Is my behavior reasonably consistent from one situation to the next? 
2. What would I observe if I watched myself?
3. What do I want people to observe when I interact with others? 

These questions can transform your awareness of how others perceive your behavior.

Leaders often get tripped up when their intention doesn't match their impact.

The Challenges

• You intend to pay a compliment and instead it offends.

• You intend to give good advice and instead it's taken as a criticism. 

• You intend for a new policy to be helpful and instead it's perceived as just more work.

• You say to yourself or others, "That's not what I meant. I would never . . . They ought to know that about me."

 
The Remedies 

• Learn about the difference between intention and impact.
  Awareness of the difference will reduce your sense of surprise when (not if) it happens.

• Breathe and check in with yourself before you act.  
  Are you stressed? Annoyed? Hurt? Angry? If so, delay before responding. 

• Adjust the lens of your intention.
  Is the intention helpful? Does it effectively solve the problem? What do I want long term? For the relationship? For the team? For clients? For my career?

• Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal clues. 
  Silence. Eye rolling. Changes in facial expression. Changes in voice tone. All may indicate intention/impact disparity.
  

If you detect an intention/impact disparity,

• Resist the urge to react and defend yourself.
  Without judging yourself, make a mental note of the disparity.

• Carefully observe the response and ask curious questions. 
  I noticed your response, have I offended you? did I misunderstand your questions? have I missed the mark?  

• Listen for understanding and acknowledge the response.
  Wow, I appreciate your openness. What else can you share about how this impacted you? 

• Apologize authentically. 
  Reiterate what you heard them say, why it was problematic and share your intention to be better.

The Truth

• Intention/Impact disparity is a real thing and happens a lot.

• Changing your behavior after an intention/impact disparity experience sends the message that you're a caring and empathetic leader who wishes to change and grow. 

• Your ability to effectively navigate intention/impact disparity will help you build trust with your team.

  
  And here's the big one -
  Passionate leaders get that Impact always matters more than Intent.

_______________________

Passionate Leadership
is who you're being as you're leading.

About the Author

Gayle Ely is a Leadership Coach, Trainer and Facilitator and founder of Total Life Leadership. At Total Life Leadership, we partner with purpose-driven non-profit leaders and service entrepreneurs to help them answer the question “How Do I Become a Better Leader?”

Using The Six Pillars of Passionate Leadership, we equip leaders to be the best they can be.  The result is a passionate leader whose team and organization are operating for maximum impact.

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