Are You Measuring Up?

Last month my niece graduated from high school.  It was a time to celebrate, and yet I felt sad and weepy.  The first words I thought to write in my journal that day were, “What’s wrong with you?” 

So often when things seem incongruent, we immediately ask ourselves that question.   What we’re really doing is getting out the measuring stick. The funny thing about this measuring stick is that it has only two measurements-right and wrong.  And somehow we more often than not end up on the “wrong” end of the stick.  We don’t measure up.  

Then we go to “shoulding” ourselves, so we can feel “right” again.  I should be happy; I should be doing this or that to grow my business or advance my career; I should be a better _____ (you fill in the blank).

The problem with “shoulding” ourselves, is that we never ask ourselves the most important question

                          “What’s really going on?”

With this question there’s no measuring stick, no right or wrong, only an opportunity to reflect and observe.  There’s so much to be gained, and you might be surprised by the result.  If you’re not doing the work to grow your business or advance your career, it might be because

• You’re doing something that is not in alignment with who you really are

• You’re challenged by limiting thoughts that prevent you from moving forward

• You’re allowing external forces (friends, family, colleagues, the media) to unduly influence you

Whatever the case, if you’re feeling stuck or unfulfilled, identifying the source of those feelings is the first step to getting back on track.

On the day of my niece’s graduation, the first words I actually wrote in my journal were,
“Don’t ask what’s wrong, instead get curious about what’s really going on.”
When I reflected on the second question, I realized that graduation day was also my mother’s birthday.  She always wanted grandchildren and passed before they were born.  She always loved to celebrate milestones and would definitely have been there for the graduation.   So, of course, I was missing her and wishing she could be part of the celebration. 

I allowed myself to get at the source of my feelings and as a result felt whole and human instead of like I wasn’t measuring up.