Quit Beating Yourself Up. Try This Instead!

The link between self-awareness and being a successful leader is a popular topic in leadership circles. In fact, I recently wrote that it’s The One Thing All Great Leaders Have.

So let’s say you’ve committed to raising your self-awareness – and you’ve done the work to begin to understand the impact you have on those around you.  Perhaps you’ve participated in a 360-degree review of your performance, or you’ve simply begun to make a conscious effort to notice how people are responding to you.

What’s next? What do you do with this new found awareness?

Many of my clients, after receiving what they perceive to be negative feedback, will begin to self-judge or blame. They’ll say things like “I just don’t have what it takes to be a leader” or “My staff just doesn’t understand me.” It’s difficult to receive feedback that’s less than flattering.

But to quote TV psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”

Here’s the key. To acknowledge means to recognize and accept information for what it is –  simply information. You can acknowledge the fact that your response to a stressful situation may have been less than effective – and maybe even hurtful. And while it may be appropriate to apologize to those involved, it isn’t effective in the long run to beat yourself up.

Why not try acceptance instead?

Acceptance is simply recognizing in the moment that the information, the situation, or the experience is a reflection of where you are now and not an unchangeable indicator of your future.

Think about the GPS system in your car. In order to get from point A to point B, you enter your destination. The system recognizes where you are and then calculates the best route to get you to where you want to go. The system simply accepts where you are as the starting point in order to set the course for where you want to be.

For leaders, acceptance means being conscious of the fact that all your past experiences have made you who you are today. And that’s OK! Accepting, and not judging, your past will allow you to move forward and create a more effective leadership presence.

Embracing the belief that life is a series of experiences to help you learn and grow enhances your ability to accept the reality of any given moment, and releases you to focus your positive energy on creating positive outcomes.

 Acceptance is one of 10 disciplines I help organizational leaders master so they and their businesses can thrive. If you’d like to know more about these disciplines, please contact me at gayle@total-life-leadership.com.