What’s Controlling Your Choices?
Every day we have a choice. In fact, a lot of them.
From relatively simple choices about when to get out of bed – to complex choices that impact the viability of our businesses and relationships.
It may seem paradoxical, but one of the best ways to make conscious or intentional choices* is to be aware of who you are today and to accept things as they are today.
Why? Because today is when every choice is made.
One of the questions to ask yourself as you shift to more conscious-based choices is “Who, or what, is influencing my choices?” Many times, it’s our fears, worries and doubts that actually do the choosing for us.
We think we’re making a choice, but the choice is actually being made for us.
How do you overcome this illusion of choice?
Start by taking a look at what comes to mind when you’re making a choice. Are you concerned about repeating a past failure or making a mistake? Are you concerned about things over which you really have no control?
When you’re focused primarily on the past or worried about the future, it’s difficult to make the best possible choice in the present.
It’s not that you ignore past experiences or indicators of the future. You accept them as information to help you make the best choice in the moment.
Here’s an example:
Imagine that today you are offered the opportunity to be part of a new and promising start-up business. Several years ago, you started your own business and it didn’t succeed. After two years, you made the difficult decision to close the business. The impact on you and your employees was significant.
As you consider whether to accept the offer before you today, it’s important to be aware of the perspective you have about the closed business. What’s important to understand about that experience? What lessons did you learn from the experience? What’s different today? Rather than being fearful of repeating the past, answering these questions will provide information to help you make a conscious choice.
Fear-Based or Purpose-Based Choices
Another way to think about making conscious choices is to consider whether you’re making a choice from a place of fear or from a place of purpose. Typically, when we make choices based on doubt, worry, disappointment or anger, we’re choosing from fear rather than from purpose.
A simple way to determine if a choice is fear- or purpose-based is to ask yourself this question:
“What’s my purpose in making this choice?”
Consider your choice of words as you answer the question. If you find yourself using words such as “have to” or “need to” because otherwise something bad will happen, you’re likely making a fear-based choice. If the choice is being made using the words “want to” or “choose to,” you are likely making a purpose-based choice.
What difference does it make?
Let’s say it’s Friday and you have an important presentation on Monday. You don’t feel as ready as you’d like to be for the presentation. You know that, if done well, it could lead to new business. But Saturday is your daughter’s soccer tournament.
You have two ways to look at your choices:
Fear-based choices –
Go to your daughter’s soccer tournament because you’re afraid your daughter will be disappointed or to avoid an argument with your spouse.
Don’t go to your daughter’s soccer tournament because you’re afraid of what your boss will say or because you need to keep tinkering with your presentation until it’s perfect.
Purpose-based choices –
Go to your daughter’s soccer tournament because you treasure the enjoyment of supporting your daughter and sharing the experience with your spouse.
Don’t go your daughter’s soccer tournament because finishing up the presentation on Saturday will allow you to be at your best when you give the presentation – and will give you a greater chance of landing the new business.
The choice itself is not as important as what you’re telling yourself about the choice.
Either choice made from a place of fear will likely cause you to feel some resentment, lower your level of engagement, and impact the quality of your experience and possibly the quality of your presentation.
A purpose-based choice will increase your level of engagement and thus the quality of your experience and your performance on the presentation.
We make hundreds of choices every day. As a leader of your business or family, your choices impact others. Developing the practice of making conscious, purpose-based choices will allow you to focus on what is important in the moment so that you can make quicker and better decisions for both yourself and others.
Conscious Choice is one of ten disciplines I help organizational leaders master so they and their businesses can thrive. If you’d like to know more about these disciplines, please contact me at gayle@total-life-leadership.com
*Credit to the Institute for Professional Coaching (iPEC) for the concepts around conscious choice.
